The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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