He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
