I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
