haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
