I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize