I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
