Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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