Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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