Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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