I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
