Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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