you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
