i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
