I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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