The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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