After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
