false alarm. still invincible.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
