dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
