Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
