Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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