I want to walk on stilts...naked
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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