If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
