Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
