By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
