the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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