Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
