WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
