Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
