it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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