Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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