i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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