not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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