just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
