At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
