I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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