im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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