you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize