I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
