please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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