Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
