they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVEâ€
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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