there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
