pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
