is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
