I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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