i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
