I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
