i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
