thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
