So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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