if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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