I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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