I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
