I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
