you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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