Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
