WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
