Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
