Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
