when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize