There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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