I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
