Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
