trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
