At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
